oh golly, holly.

The (Filthy) Talk of the Town: Ohio is Full of $H!T Talkers

hollyaletha — Thu, 23 May 2013 12:37:00 -0400

Apparently, Ohioans have the dirtiest mouths in all the land, according to a recent data research study conducted by the Marchex Institute. Washingtonians (allegedly) cursed the least. You may have already seen the news pop up all over your Facebook feed. Naturally, my immediate reaction was, “WTF?!?!?!”

The Ohio $#!T talking didn’t stop there.

Marchex’s data and research team examined more than 600,000 phone calls within the past 12 months. The calls monitored were made by consumers to businesses across 30 industries, including cable and satellite companies, car dealerships, pest control centers and more.
Marchex scanned for every curse word under the sun – from A to F to S – and I’m sure you can fill in the blanks on this one. Especially if you’re reading from an electronic device somewhere in Ohio.

Ohioans also received “honors” in the Top 5 Least Courteous category. Apparently, we have a harder time saying “please” and “thank you,” which were the keywords that Marchex’s “Call Mining” technology scanned for when collecting data on manners and pleasantries.

Interestingly enough, the newly released data coincides with National Etiquette Week, a seven-day reminder to be civil and courteous to one another. I wonder if Ohioans watching their tongues and minding their manners in observance of the week’s festivities are having a harder time than others. Maybe that’s why I was cut off and honked at during my 45-minute commute this morning…I’ll blame it on the Buckeyes.

Ohio was then put into the “Sailors” category, while states like Washington, Massachusetts, Arizona, Texas and Virginia were deemed “Goody Two Shoes” states. Luckily, Ohioans aren’t the only “sailors” in America…As the old saying goes, “dirt and filth loves company,” right…? Right. Anyway, ranking behind Ohio in the sailors category – states where people are most likely to curse – were Maryland, New Jersey, Louisiana, and Illinois. So if you’re looking to migrate out of Ohio (like so many of are), you’ll probably get less dirty looks for mouthing off in those states.
Ohioans curse more than twice the rate of Washingtonians, according to the data. Washingtonians curse about every 300 conversations. Ohioans, on the other hand, swore about every 150 conversations.

(via.)

Other fun (filthy) facts include: 66% of curses come from men, calls that containing the most cursing were more than 10 minutes long, and calls in the morning were twice as likely to produce cursing as calls in the afternoon or evening.

Marchex also aggregated state-by-state data on who says “please” and “thank you” the most. The Top 5 Most Courteous states were: South Carolina, North Carolina, Maryland, Louisiana and Georgia. Southern hospitality, anyone? I have vivid memories of one of my high school teachers swearing up and down that there was more Midwestern hospitality than Southern hospitality. Guess she was wrong about that one. Big time.

Ohio was the only state to find itself in the “Sailor” and “Least Courteous” categories.

To be honest, I don’t really mind being among sailors. Am I surprised that Ohioians topped the charts for having the dirtiest mouths? Sure. But maybe I shouldn’t be. Ever since middle school, the mouths around me got dirtier and dirtier. And so did mine. I distinctly remember having a line in my Myspace profile proclaiming that I “swore like a sailor.” And it only worsened as time went on: by the time I got my first newspaper job in college, I’m pretty sure every other word out of my mouth was four letters long. I’ll just blame that on the Buckeyes, too.

I mean…I really don’t mind being a “sailor,” but maybe that’s just because I’ve been surrounded by them my entire life. Let’s just say Ohioans are simply transparent, passionate people. Maybe we do curse a little more and maybe not every Ohioan minds their manners as much they could. Whatever. At least we know how we feel and aren’t afraid to express it…by any means necessary. As Joan Jett once said, “I don’t give a damn about my bad reputation.”

If you’re an Ohioan, how do you feel about these findings? Does Ohio belong in the “Sailor” category or do you still believe in Midwestern hospitality? Sound off in the comments section below — whether or not you keep it clean is your prerogative, but if you’re a Buckeye, the odds seem to be against you on this one.

hollyaletha: So psyched for #chicagoblogshop! My first solo...

hollyaletha — Tue, 14 May 2013 03:33:08 -0400

hollyaletha:

So psyched for #chicagoblogshop! My first solo roadtrip! #blogshorbust @designlovefest @iheartblogshop

As the dust from the whirlwind of finals and internship beginnings settles, a roadtrip to Chicago in the name of BLOGSHOP is on the horizon…

Check me out over on My Life as a Teacup today in...

hollyaletha — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:41:00 -0400

Check me out over on My Life as a Teacup today in Kristin’s monthly sponsor roundup — I’ll be featured in a guest post over there very soon, so keep an eye out!

Honoring Difference: Lessons in Embracing & Loving Yourself

hollyaletha — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:05:00 -0400

When I was a freshman in high school, I was diagnosed with a disability that’s “traditionally” tied to middle-aged or elderly women: fibromyalgia.

He thought for a few minutes. I imagine it was hard to put aside all his history with me – I’d been ill for much of my time as a child, suffering from other chronic health problems that were linked to my prematurity (I was born three months early and had multiple surgeries thanks to my preemie status). Finally, he sighed and said, “Well, we usually only diagnose middle-aged women with this, but I’d say she has fibromyalgia.”

Finally, all of my symptoms fit into one clear-cut, clean box: the constant-pain, the daily level-ten migraines, the vomiting, the anxiety, the depression, the swelling, the insane amount of absences from school, the sore throats, the arthritic joints…all of it made sense. And it was a relief, but also a life sentence: I had a medical condition that fell under category of disability, and I was only a freshly-minted teenager.

The symptoms didn’t go away – they still haven’t completely, even though I take a cocktail of drugs every night and go see specialists relatively frequently, but to say I’ve learned a lot from my disability is the understatement of my entire life. It’s made me stronger, even in my weakest, most vulnerable moments. And I’m thankful for that, even if I hate my disability’s rotten guts.

After missing more than 200 days of high school, college was a dream. Not to say I haven’t missed a ton of my college classes – I have – but really, it’s been a dream. Especially after having my high school counselor and principals tell me I’d never graduate high school, let alone get accepted into or be able to attend college. So this is for all my HATERS. (Sorry – I just had to. One of the things that gets me through my rough days is laughter, even if it means laughing at my own jokes or…gasp…laughing at myself.)

This is going to sound crazy, but I’m thankful for my disability. It’s made me learn some huge life lessons, in my opinion, apply to anyone going through a rough patch in life – like we all do, at one point or another. Here are a few of the big things I’ve learned.

It’s OK to ask for help.
Learning this was a big challenge for me. Especially when my parents were sick. I felt guilty asking them for help, but I needed it, and it was OK to need it. We all need help sometimes. Sometimes asking for help is the bravest thing you can do! So just do it! And know that you are strong because you know when and how you need help – and are brave enough to ask for it. It truly never hurts to ask. Knowing yourself and your needs takes strength, so asking for help is strong.

Take time to relax.
We all need relaxation. Taking time to relax is good for you. Sometimes, it is better to be lazy! So take a step back, do something that makes you happy. Read a good book, check your Facebook, call your mom, watch TV, or – by all means – take a nap! I tend to get behind with my schoolwork, studies, or commitments because I need more “me-time” than other people, but I’ve learned to be OK with that. Like I just said, asking for help is a sign of strength and self-love, and letting people know that you may need to extend some deadlines or might need to cancel a meeting because you’re either going through a rough patch or have a disability – well, that’s also a brave and strong thing to do. And, though I know this is most likely a cheesy thing to say, you’re worth it! It’s true!
Saying “no” is a good thing.
I touched on this before, but having different limits and abilities in life has meant learning to say “no.” This has been a hard one for me. I’m a people-pleaser by nature. I want to be able to do it all and I don’t want to let anyone down, but I’ve learned to say “no.” It’s a huge coping mechanism for me and keeps me healthy. I let people know that upfront. Being honest with yourself and others is a huge sign of maturity. It’s also a way to honor and know yourself – something we all need to learn. Saying “no” is a tool I – unfortunately – have to use on a daily basis, but it’s also the simplest way I know to stay healthy and in control of my disability. Sometimes I give people an explanation, but it’s also important to note that you don’t always need to. That’s something else I’ve had to learn. Sometimes, an apology just isn’t warranted! It’s OK to put yourself first – easier said than done, I know, but it’s important to TRY. Especially in those rough patches!

Know your limits, but also know when to push yourself.
This probably sounds totally contradictory to what I just said, but honestly it’s not. For the longest time, I let my disability disable me. I let it run the show for fear of a flare up (AKA my fibromyalgia symptoms rearing their ugly head…AKA pain, insomnia, vomiting and lots of tears). It kept me from seeing friends or trying new things way too much. I said “no” all the time for a long time. Then I got sick of it. I wanted my life back, even if it meant dealing with more pain than usual. So I went to Paris. Literally – I went to Paris. (You can read a post about it here.) And I was scared! But it was also the best thing I ever did in my entire life. I was in a ton of pain from all the walking – I went with a class last Spring, so it was basically like an extremely amped up field trip – and the seven-hour time difference. I had tons of flare ups while I was there. Sometimes I cried. But I also had the best time of my entire life. I made some of my most favorite friends and my breath was constantly taken away from all the joy I experienced in Paris. I loved every second. Even the teary seconds. Even the painful seconds. Every second. I could go on and on. Want to know the biggest thing it taught me? It taught me that I was strong and brave and in-control of my life! My disability didn’t run the show, even when it was making my life more difficult. I was still capable of happiness even when I was in pain. I was still capable of doing amazing, wonderful, adventurous things. It forced me out of my comfort zone, and I am forever grateful to myself for it! (And you know what? Turns out you can say “no” even when you’re in Paris. I did. But I also learned to say “yes” again!) It really will all be all right – eventually.
Ever heard the saying “this too shall pass?” It’s totally true. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the fact that I will spend the rest of my life with this disability. Sometimes I cry – well, I cry a lot – and tell my mom and boyfriend that I feel like I’m dying. Sometimes I get super-dramatic about it and feel like my life is over. Dramatic, right? Well, it happens. And that’s OK! Because you know what? It will be all right! It all will be all right. The flare ups and freak outs will pass. Though rough patches will, too. Eventually. Sometimes, you just have to give it some time! Patience is a really hard virtue, but it’s necessary. I really do promise it will all be all right. Pinky swear.

You are a strong person, even when you feel weak.
Man, oh man! I feel like a total weakling sometimes. And physically, I probably am in a lot of respects. But I’m also strong – even when I’m at my most vulnerable. And so are you! I’ll pinky swear about that, too. It takes a strong person to learn how to be happy in this life! It takes a strong person to say “no.” It also takes a strong person to say “yes.” We’ve all been through the rough patches of life. They make us stronger. I know I’m probably sounding cheesy by now, but I think that it’s so important – and brave – to recognize that. Give yourself a pat on the back. Do it. You deserve it.
You are loved, so love yourself.
Think of all the people who love you. And yes, your mom and dad count, too. So do your dogs and cats. So do your fish. So does your pet…monkey…? It’s truly an epidemic in this country – the whole low self-esteem, low self-worth thing. I mean that. It makes me sick and sad and angry all at the same time. Self-love is low around these parts. So let’s all take a moment – or a bunch of moments – to give ourselves a huge hug for all that we do for others and ourselves on a daily basis. You are so loved – each and every one of you! So love yourself. Easier said than done in our society, I know. But learning to love myself and celebrate my achievements – even the tiniest ones – is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. It’s still a huge learning process and it’s still a struggle, but all kinds of love take devotion, so let’s all become devoted to self-love, too. (If you need some more encouragement, check out my friend Cortnie’s blog. It rocks my socks.)

I asked my readers to share some of what they’ve learned from their disabilities or from their loved ones having disabilities – which I prefer to call different abilities (I learned that from my Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies classes), but for the sake of non-WGSS students out there, I’ll use the traditional D-Word for clarity’s sake. Because trust me – you learn a lot from being a disabled person, or loving a disabled person – especially if you are a young person who is affected by a disability, I’d say. That also goes for young people who love people with disabilities, too. I learned so much about myself taking care of my parents – who are both cancer survivors. Probably more than I learned from my own disability, so for everyone out there who is a caretaker, I think you are the strongest people around. That also goes out to my parents and my boyfriend, who are my caretakers on my rough days. Unconditional love gives me the most strength I could ever have – which also takes form in loving yourself unconditionally – don’t forget that! Learn to do that! PRONTO! Anyway, when I asked my readers and friends to share their stories regarding disability, I received some beautiful, wonderful and amazing responses. They made my heart happy.

Gabrielle Walter, who is also a blogger and UC student, gave a response that took my breath away. I didn’t even know she had an invisible disability like me, so it was a real eye-opener. Her comment was especially beautiful and relatable.

“Many times disabilities aren’t easily seen or noticed by people you work with everyday,” she said. “I was officially diagnosed with narcolepsy, a rare sleeping disorder, about a year and a half ago. I’m unable to regulate my sleeping patterns aka I fall asleep at the most inopportune times. At first the hardest part was coping with the fact I couldn’t live up to society’s expectations. I’d fall asleep before deadlines, classes and while working. In about 6 months I went from very involved, successful student to a part-time struggling-to-stay-in-school student. Once I got past the importance of grades, I had to accept I couldn’t do everything I wanted to be able to do for myself. That was by far the hardest.”

Gabrielle and I both used to be editors at our student newspaper, which takes a lot out of you, so hats off to her – and hats off to me, too. Because I’m a firm believer in exercising self-love.

“While any disability is difficult, you do grow as a person,” Gabrielle said. “Randomly sleeping about 12-14 hours a day makes you make the most of the time you are awake. I focus on doing what I love, and only what I love. I have re-evaluated what I truly consider important in life and have ultimately slowed down to enjoy the simpler things.”

This is evident in Gabrielle’s blog, Profoundly Simple. I check it every day for new posts and information. Gabrielle started the blog in an effort to live more simply since, like she said, making the most of the time you’re awake (or, in my case, not in pain) and enjoying every second of that time becomes so important. Learning to focus my time and effort has been a invaluable skill for me.

Bloggers Ali Stigler and Marisa Whitaker (you can find their blogs here and here) wrote about the life lessons that come with depression and anxiety.

“[Sometimes] you just don’t want to go out and would rather lay in bed trying to figure out who you really are,” said Marisa on her anxiety, depression and ADD.

Marisa brings up a great point. Life with a disability – and rough patches in life in general – really does make you figure out who you are very quickly. Any rough patch tests your emotional and mental strength, but I’ve found that you really find out who you are, what you want and what you stand for when you deal with those rough patches every day, especially at a young age. I really related to Ali’s story; her life has also been touched by disability.

“My mom, like many others, has suffered from depression for about seven years now,” she said. “It isn’t visible all of the time, but sometime you can just tell when she’s upset. She’s on medication to regulate it, but when you can tell she’s having a rough day and not feeling it, it’s hard to figure out what to say to make it better. Because there really isn’t anything I can do to make her feel better. I just try to get her out of the house and take her to lunch or go thrifting (one of our favorite activities). I know those kinds of things make her happy, even if it’s only for a certain amount of time.”

Having a loved one suffer from a chronic illness, disability, or disease while you’re young – or at any age, I’m sure — causes you to grow up fast, as does having a parent or loved one who is ill. Being a caretaker at age 18 and on (I’m an only child) while coping with my own chronic illness made me grow up – or attempt to grow up, whatever “growing up means” – really fast. It made me put my priorities in check. While I didn’t get to party or be a typical reckless teenage girl, I am thankful for the life lessons helping my parents battle cancer taught me. In fact, I’m thankful for all my rough patches thus far in life. They’ve made me who I am and have strengthened my heart.

What are some things you’ve learned from your rough patches in life? What are some skills you’ve learned along the way? What some big life lessons for you? Let me know!

Resale Therapy: Taking the Anxiety out of Spring Cleaning

hollyaletha — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 21:32:00 -0400

As a former packrat, I never thought I would say this, but I have become addicted to cleaning out my closet.

It all started when I began working as a buyer for a women’s resale shop — sort of like a curated, upscale thrift shop or a Plato’s Closet for stylish, modern women. Upon being hired, I quickly learned the ins and outs of buying merchandise into our story — all of which comes from our customers and clients. I learned a lot about brands, current styles, which trends cross over into the resale market, and what styles and brands fit into our store’s demographic.

Aside from being able to style mannequins and our customers — I am so in love with styling, but that’s another post…or several posts…Anyway, what I love about my job is interacting with women who bring in their clothes. Most of these women (and a few husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends here and there) are terrified of parting with their clothing. Which I totally get. I used to be terrified, too. When it came to my closet, I was a total clothes hoarder. Since working at Clothes Mentor and becoming a buyer, I’ve learned that it’s OK to Spring Clean! In fact, I do it all year round!

There’s something very satisfying about “recycling” or “trading in” my clothes. It all feels very sustainable and…well, thrifty…but without the whole bedbugs scare that’s been plaguing the thrift stores that will take anything lately…again, that’s another post.

Like I said, cleaning out my closet has gone from something overwhelming and anxiety-triggering into an act that is empowering and even relaxing! I’ve come to think of it as resale therapy.

My friend Sarah recently commented on the blog saying she too faces the common anxiety of cleaning out your closet. So many of the women I buy from do, too. It (almost) always turns into a stress reliever, though! Simplifying life takes even more weight off your shoulders than you realize (something I’ve learned from fellow blogger Gabrielle).

“I don’t know about you, but I get really sentimentally attached to clothes, and really anything else for that matter,” Sarah said when I posted about Spring cleaning and motivation for organization. “Recently, when I was going through my stuff with the intention of getting rid of a lot, it helped me to have the fiancé nearby to confirm that I was probably only keeping something for sentimental reasons, rather than because it looked good, fit well, etc. I was much more successful when I had him nearby to bounce my decisions off of. My other suggestion is to work when your body is naturally most energetic. If you’re a morning person, start then. If you, like me, work better in the evening, do your organizing then. Also, good music always helps!” Sarah gave some great pointers that I totally agree with. It’s important to take your time when you’re giving your closet a deep cleaning. Another really important piece of advice I’ve taken away from my work in resale is that if you haven’t used something, worn it, or thought about it in a year, then it’s best to get rid of it (unless, of course, it has sentimental value).

This is also a great thing to keep in mind if you are considering making money off of your unused, unwanted apparel, shoes, or accessories! Most resale or consignment shops won’t buy in items that are more than two years old. Did you know a brand changes their label every two years? That’s how resale shops like Clothes Mentor, Once Upon a Child and Plato’s Closet know what’s current and what’s out of date!

I recommend going through your closet on a seasonal basis to ensure you are reselling, trading, consigning or giving away the most current items possible in order to get the most bang for your buck.

Another good point Sarah brought up was moral support! I’ve learned that we are often more sentimental than we realize when it comes to our clothes, shoes and accessories! As you clean out your closet and dresser, it’s important to have a loved one or friend close by to tell you whether or not you actually use that item — they’ll have a better memory about these things than you might expect! That way, it keeps you honest with yourself about whether or not you really need that dress or those shoes.

Keep in mind that lots of resale or consignment shops also take in barely used or new fragrances and lotions — some even take in home goods, art work and candles. These outlets gives you even more of an excuse to break into your closet and treat yourself to some resale therapy. Trust me, the hard work of giving your wardrobe a facelift pays off — sometimes, it even pays off literally!

If you have any other questions or comments about Spring cleaning and my work as a certified buyer, sales associate and stylist, feel free to speak up in the comments section below! More posts about this topic are sure to follow! Keep an eye out for a post on the style makeover I gave my store (and it’s mannequins) coming up very soon!

Let's pin together on Pinterest!

hollyaletha — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 23:16:00 -0400

Pinterest is one of my favorite creative outlets. It also furthers my desire to lead an organized, beautiful and creative life. I know it’s just a website, but it’s really helped me define my sense of style — and sometimes my sense of self, too.

Do you love Pinterest? Let’s pin together! You can find me right here. I’m constantly seeking new means of inspiration. For me, Pinterest is the ultimate mood board. As usual, let’s inspire each other!

What’s your favorite way to use Pinterest? Let me know in the comments below! I look forward to pinning with you!

A glimpse into one of our best afternoons ever with Best Day...

hollyaletha — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 18:59:46 -0400

A glimpse into one of our best afternoons ever with Best Day Ever Photography!

illustration by holly of oh golly, holly!

hollyaletha — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 18:56:00 -0400

illustration by holly of oh golly, holly!

A Spring Dress & Snowflakes // A Belated Birthday Style File

hollyaletha — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 12:25:00 -0400

My birthday takes place on the cusp of Spring & on the tail end of Winter, so my birthday weather has always been bipolar at best here in the Midwest. Last year, Mother Nature gave me the gift of mid-60-degree weather, but she had vastly different plans for me this time around.
Even though it was bitter cold, windy and flurried throughout the day, I was bound and determined to rock a spring dress that day. Since Spring is my most favorite season to style, it’s no surprise I always insist upon dressing for the Spring on my birthday.
This, of course, meant layers upon layers for lunch and our family trip to the Cincinnati Art Museum. That didn’t stop me from donning my favorite Modcloth dress, some coral-colored tights and some combat boots with a ruffled, feminine detail. Top it off with a glittery gold belt, a fun necklace,a green cardigan and a bright canary-colored coat, and I was ready to brave the cold in my favorite Springtime attire.

How do you rock Spring dresses during the transitional time between Old Man Winter and sunny Spring? What are your favorite trends in transition right now? Let’s share style tips!

A Place Where Dreamers Go to Wait

hollyaletha — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 00:01:00 -0400

This man of mine dreams big dreams. And so do I. They keep growing and growing and growing. They continue to grow even though it doesn’t feel like we feed them very well right now. We talk late night talks about the future while our minds are full of the mundane and of schoolwork. We feed them with our little talks, our penny pinching and our vague plans, but for now we cannot feed them with much else.

So here we are: the place where dreamers and their dreams go to wait: the “in between” I talked about when I began to dream the dream that eventually became this blog. This is our “in between.” I refuse to refer to the two of us as “stuck.” We are just waiting. We are just dreaming. Eventually we will stop waiting. Eventually the waiting will become doing. But not right now. Not quite yet. We will hurry up and wait.

Sometimes I feel like my dreams aren’t really dreams at all. Just feelings. Just flashes of what I hope is the future.

I see our life as a creative one. A bright one. A warm one. A busy one rich with laughter and vibrance and smiles. A life where breathing and creating come naturally. Kyle wants to roam around national parks for a living; he wants to be a ranger; he wants to work with his hands and feet and mind all at once. And so do I. I want to have a life rich with artistry, Maybe with my words. Maybe with my photographs. Maybe with the way I document and raise our future children and animals.

We want to raise chickens and live in the sunshine. We want to hike and build a home. I want to create beautiful things and curate a life full of them. But this is the in between. So we wait for these things. We watch our bank accounts and dwell in my parents’ house. We go to school and study and our dreams feel cramped.

I read about the lives of women I admire. I interview them from time to time, too. He looks at photos and imagines himself in the wilderness. I pretend to feel the warmth of a different sun on my face. We listen to audio tracks of the ocean’s waves at night. We wait for a time where our dreams can run wild. Most of the time I can’t even put a finger on where that place is or when it is or what it will look like. But right now, here we are, in love in a place where dreamers go to wait. In love in the in between with the highest hopes and best intentions for a dreamlike future.

Was there a time in your life where you felt stuck in the “in between” phases? How did you navigate them? What is the best advice you have or have been given about future plans? What are some of your hopes and dreams for the future? Let me know! Let’s navigate this in between together. Any and all advice is welcome. Ps: Find us on the Sunday Style linkup at Plane Pretty!

“To be fond of dancing was a most certain step toward...

hollyaletha — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 02:50:48 -0400

“To be fond of dancing was a most certain step toward falling in love.” Pride & Prejudice. Photo and graphic by Holly of ohgollyholly.tumblr.com

Forever Addicted to Humble Pie

hollyaletha — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 23:14:00 -0400

For me, the fine line between a lack of self confidence and a humble attitude has been a difficult one to walk. I have never been good at accepting compliments — I’d like to think this is just called “grace,” but it also stems from an anxious shyness that will most likely be a forever battle. That’s not to say I’m not an extrovert in numerous ways: I am the Type A, overly-excited, often-enthused one in my relationship; I am friendly; I am inquisitive and curious to a fault. I am also a journalist; a knowledge seeker; sometimes a know-it-all.

I’ve taken the personality tests. I’m always an eclectic mix between introvert and extrovert. I crave attention at times, but I can just as easily spend hours on end alone in my room entertaining myself. Sometimes I’m full of much too many words and far too many questions. Sometimes I can’t think of anything to say at all.

Accepting that I am more than good enough is something I’ve struggled with for my whole life. It comes from being prone to anxiety and perfectionist tendencies. It also comes from growing up with medical problems. It’s been a weird web of praise and scolding from authority. While I had a number or supportive educators growing up in the public school system, I had an equal amount of administrators who told me I would never graduate and would never be able to “make it” or build a “normal” life for myself. I met this cacophony of opposing attitudes with defiance and gumption. I also met it with a lot of tears, a lot of panic attacks, and a lot of self esteem issues.

After graduating high school with both a 4.000 and more than 200 absences, self esteem was easier to muster. Sometimes. When I’m faced with adversity — which, trust me…it’s in college, too — I tend to rise to the occasion. I can stick up for myself. I can fight. I can articulate my feelings and emotions and I can usually claim victory over the social struggles that come with having a disability. I fight the good fight and feel good about myself in the end. Because I feel like I’ve earned it. Like I’ve paid my dues.

Praise, on the other hand, is sometimes crippling. Not when it comes from my mom or dad or family or my boyfriend. That’s easy praise. It’s expected. I can handle that. I can drink it up and soak it in and become lighter and brighter because of it. I can use that praise as fuel without feeling undeserving.

But praise from my peers or professors or strangers? That’s hard. It’s unexpected. It’s an attempt to get under this thick skin I’ve grown. Praise from authority or people who don’t…you know…have to love me? When I don’t have to fight for that praise? That’s scary. Because it blurs that line between being humble and being confident. It blurs the line of being tough and vulnerable. If I don’t have to earn it — you know, by fighting for it — that stops me in my tracks. It makes me feel like I have to bake myself a humble pie and stuff my face with it as fast as I can.

Today was a big day for praise. I received several emails from one of my professors complimenting me on the work I’ve done. How good of a writer I am. How raw and honest and beautiful. No criticism. Just praise. Email upon email of praise. Three of them. In one day. I thought I’d gotten past this whole, “Oh, me? I don’t deserve this! Little old me?!” thing. Guess not. In my email back, I was eating piece after piece after piece of humble pie. Being vulnerable is hard. Harder than sticking up for yourself. For me, anyway. It makes me squirm and blush and feel figuratively naked.

But it shouldn’t be that way. You can remain humble while accepting some love — self love and self confidence is OK. We shouldn’t always have to earn it — sometimes you just deserve it without any strings attached or dues to pay. Learning that continues to be a journey for me. For everyone. Or for the people that truly deserve the compliments they are paid, I think. And because of all this, I’m going on a humble pie-less diet. Because maybe I’ve earned it. And maybe you have, too.

Do you struggle with an addiction to humble pie? How do you curve the cravings?

I love your blog! It's so adorable! I was just wondering how I might go about advertising with you? I see some ads in your sidebar, but not sure if you have PF ads set up? Keep up the beautiful work!

hollyaletha — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 16:23:00 -0400

Oh, my! Thank you for your sweet words! I just set up a shop with Passionfruit ads for advertising. If you click the advertising link on my blog, you can learn about advertising with me. Since my blog is pretty new, I tried to set up a low rate for a long period of time for now. Thanks for your interest! It’s super encouraging! :)

http://ohgollyholly.tumblr.com/advertise

We are unapologetically nerdy.

hollyaletha — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 02:17:54 -0400

We are unapologetically nerdy.

hollyaletha: Don’t give up now! Spring is just around the...

hollyaletha — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 02:24:26 -0400

hollyaletha:

Don’t give up now! Spring is just around the corner! Warmer and happier days are ahead!

Cortnie commented, “Maybe I’m a feminist because I...

hollyaletha — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 18:40:18 -0400

Cortnie commented, “Maybe I’m a feminist because I watched Rugrats?”
(Found on that cortnie girl’s Facebook page.)

Are you traveling anywhere fun and exciting this summer? I’ll be...

hollyaletha — Sat, 23 Mar 2013 14:52:48 -0400

Are you traveling anywhere fun and exciting this summer? I’ll be stuck in Ohio interning at CityBeat and taking classes and working with clothes all summer long. May I live vicariously through you?

(via Destination Tag USA 8X10 Art Print by thepairabirds on Etsy)

Spirit over Body & Mind over Media: A State of Physical Grace

hollyaletha — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 08:52:00 -0400

Note: This is a post about body positivity and body image inspired by Cortnie at That Cortnie Girl. So thank you, Cortnie. You are an inspiration to women of all shapes and sizes. I hope this post makes you proud! Because it sure made me proud!

I want to share something pretty intimate yet incredibly rewarding and meaningful with you. Something happened for the first time…well, maybe ever, today.

Before each and every shower I have ever taken, I peak into the mirror before getting in. I usually can find flaws at first glance. I have four surgical scars my eyes tend to gravitate toward. The most pronounced is the scar that extends from one side to the other, all the way across my stomach, dividing my torso into two. I received it when I was only a few days old: a results of bad intestines due to my three months’ prematurity. I have a smaller incision just below that point where my feeding tube ended. On my neck, I have a scar (most often mistake it for a hickey) from where said feeding tube was inserted. A scar on my right breast from an old central line.

My eyes go there first. They always have. Most of the time, I find myself daydreaming of having the scars surgically removed or covered up with more tattoos. This time — for the first time — I didn’t. For the first time, I appreciated them. I think I might have even subconsciously thanked them for saving my life this time. For the first time.

The way I view my body has always been an odd, contradictory hurricane of emotions. I feel beautiful — I always feel beautiful — thanks to my hair and eyes and face. But everything below the face I’ve always felt neutral about or negatively toward.

Not today.

As I did my typical glance in the mirror, I found myself smiling. I looked at my scars and smiled. I looked at my tattoos and smiled. I flexed an arm and smiled because I knew the muscles that now grace those once-twig-like arms have been a labor of love: they come from days of hard, manual, laborious work on my feet. I lift and lift and lift bins and baskets and tubs — most weighing in at more than 60 pounds — high over my head: I stack them in the warehouse, I organize them to be reviewed and looked over and bought in. Yes, they’re just full of clothes and shoes, but trust me, you’ve never seen so many clothes and shoes in your life. That’s a women’s resale shop, for you. You have to get on your hands and knees and lift, lift, lift and shove, shove, shove and squat, squat, squat to be able to fill your store — no one delivers the clothes for you; you have to find them yourself by sifting through these women’s lives. It’s rewarding and exhausting.

I never in a million years thought my body was capable of doing a job like this and doing it well. Having fibromyalgia, I thought I’d be able to sit at a desk all day clicking keyboard keys for the rest of my life. Or bed-ridden. Whichever came first…or last.

But no. My body has impressed me beyond explanation. I am proud of my body. For the first time. I am proud of this body — my body — and all that it does for me. It is able to be stronger than I ever could have dreamed, this body of mine. It is capable of more than mind-numbing, mind-blowing chronic pain. It is more than chronic fatigue. It is capable of so much more. My body showed my spirit this before my heart even had the chance to realize it.

So when I looked in that mirror, I was proud. I couldn’t pick any flaw. I couldn’t pick anything I’d want to change. I didn’t pinch my stomach to see how much flab was there or pat my hips thighs in frustration. I didn’t glare at my stretch marks.

Yes, I have gained more than twenty pounds since my trip to Paris last year. Yes, sometimes this makes my fibromyalgia symptoms worse — more weight to carry typically equals more physical pain — but did I want to change anything because I thought I was less than beautiful? No. For the first time, I saw my whole body as beautiful, and not just from the neck up. For the first time, I acknowledged its strength and knew it had grown stronger than I could’ve predicted. And it wasn’t stronger because of dieting or disordered eating or hours on a treadmill.

It was stronger from working hard at a job I love. Stronger from early afternoon and late night dance parties with my boyfriend. Stronger from more movement and from harder work. How could I not be proud of this fibromyalgia-ridden, chronically-and constantly-in-pain body of mine? It was 20 pounds heavier, but it was functioning and adapting in ways I never thought it would.

Because my body has been so good to me, I want to love it back. I want to start doing yoga again and meditating. I want to work to eat organically, healthfully and holistically. I want to go for long walks and swim. Because my body has surpassed my expectations, I am so inspired to raise the bar even higher for what this body of mine can do.

I thought of all these things as I glanced into that mirror. And I smiled, in shock, and hopped into a shower like any other day, but I knew something had changed. I knew I had changed. I was capable of doing whatever I set my mind to, just like my mother had always taught me. And for the first time, I had proof.

When was a time you felt proud of your body? Do you struggle with a negative self image? What has helped you overcome this struggle? What inspires you to feel and know you are beautiful? Please let me know! Let’s inspire each other. I want you to join me in this road toward body love. Leave a comment below!

Interviews with (SUPER) Women

hollyaletha — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 02:07:50 -0400

Who: Carolyn Peterson
What: Human Sexuality Professor
Where: Cincinnati, Ohio

Carolyn Peterson credits her ability to teach human sexuality on a college level to her six-year tenure as a phone sex performer as well as her master’s degree in Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies. Before doing graduate work at the University of Cincinnati, Peterson completed her bachelor’s degree in creative writing at Ohio University. According to Peterson, her work in phone sex is the best thing she will ever do with her creative writing degree. After completing her master’s degree and writing a thesis on phone sex work, Peterson took time off to waitress and gain real world experience. She says that her personal experiences with sex, sexuality and sex work prepared her to teach as much as her academic accomplishments. Peterson has been teaching human sexuality for three years. In 2011, she was awarded the McMicken Dean’s Award for Distinguished Adjunct Service. She has since become a fulltime faculty member at the University of Cincinnati.

Q: How did you become a human sexuality professor?

A: The actual job fell in my lap. I didn’t seek it out. I have my master’s degree in Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies from the University of Cincinnati — where I teach. I’ve always been interested in sexuality. I’ve always made everything about sex – even when it isn’t. It’s kind of a natural extension.

Also, I was a phone sex performer for six years, so I really think that my experiences with that are equal to my degrees and my graduate work. I learned a lot about sexuality from the phone sex performer job that I never learned in school. It felt like natural, good timing for me to get this job.

Right before they invited me to teach, I kind of had this moment where I kind of told the universe what I wanted – I had been trying to think of what job I would like to do, you know? And I just couldn’t think of a job that I really wanted to do. I kind of have high standards in regard to what I choose to do for work. A couple jobs came my way before this one, and I didn’t really feel passionate about them. And then this just kind of fell in my lap — I didn’t apply for it or anything, but it ended up being want I wanted. It was a huge blessing. It really came as an answer to a question I put out there. I never had even taken a human sexuality class in college – I wasn’t familiar with human sexuality as a class or a big lecture that a lot of students take in undergrad. I wasn’t aware of it. I never would’ve come up with this being what I wanted to do on my own, but when it finally came along, it was definitely the perfect answer. If I won Powerball today, I would still do this job.

Q: How did you become a phone sex performer, and how does that apply your teaching?

A: The short answer of how I started doing phone sex was that I knew somebody who knew somebody who knew somebody that had started this phone sex company. When I first started, I was graduating with my bachelor’s degree in English and creative writing at the time with a certificate in women’s studies.

At the time, I wasn’t passionate at all about getting a job – the whole process just sounds really boring to me. It was coming time for graduation and I was hanging out with a friend of the woman I was dating at the time, and he was like, “You should do phone sex.” I had always been a flirt – I’m not as much of one as I used to be. The phone sex thing was the best thing I ever did with my creative writing degree, definitely. I was trained by an acting coach, but completely bombed the audition – but my boss saw something in me, I guess, and I got the job. As soon I wasn’t nervous anymore, it was really easy for me to pick it up. Again, it was a really good fit for me. The company was started by a group of radical, Second Wave feminists, so it was just fascinating. I could go on and on and on about the company for forever – I ended up doing my graduate thesis on it. It was really interesting to me because I had identified as a feminist since I was probably like 14.

When you are a sex worker, you run into a lot of really interesting opinions and ideas about sex work. I feel really passionately about sex work, and what was really interesting to me was how much resistance I ran into in the feminist community. I think this is kind of an old idea that doesn’t really apply anymore to feminism at large, but there was this whole kind of Second Wave feminist idea that women who engage in sex work are either exploited and have no choice or they have a kind of false consciousness. That was always really irritating to me, and I always saw feminism and sex work as side by side. It totally made sense to me that feminists would be pro-sex work since it’s all about making your own choices.

In terms of the juxtaposition between the academy and my phone sex experience was like anyone who comes to the academy with experience and sees that experience theorized and oftentimes sees that experience theorized incorrectly by people who are part of the elite and who have never actually experienced it.

I also experienced a lot of support, though, from faculty and from my graduate cohorts. I think that I learned a lot in graduate school about feminist theory and philosophy that I internalized and learned, but doing sex work and doing phone sex has taught me at least as much as my formal education – especially about sexuality.

Phone sex forced me to face a lot of judgments about men – about a lot of things, really…including sex. Doing phone sex is kind of like being a therapist. You can’t be a good therapist if you’re judging your client – even if your client is, like, a rapist. You can’t judge that client and still be helpful to them or be a good counselor. You have to find neutrality and a place of compassion for them where you can connect to them, because if you don’t, you’re just sitting in judgment and can’t help them.

That was really transformative to me – experiencing all of these men and their fantasies, which may be .00001 percent of what I would have “agreed with” as a feminist. All the rest were crazy and would be considered totally unethical and would be at minimum considered exploitative of women or violent towards women. Any fantasy there is – I did it.

I feel like I got to know the depth of these men’s psyches. They would tell me everything – things that they didn’t tell their wives or their therapists or their doctors or priests because they were anonymous. The way I was trained by this company was to have the utmost respect for this client and to give them the best possible experience – not to milk them for money or to try to keep them on the phone longer, you know? None of that capitalist stuff. What ended up happening was that the company was really successful because of that.

I developed a lot of empathy and compassion for people who I would not be able to have empathy or compassion for otherwise. I think in terms of understanding sexuality, there’s nothing like delving into the deep, dark corners of people’s minds, you know? And one of the most interesting things I learned is that you don’t know whom someone is identifying as in a fantasy. You have these weird epiphanies about how complex our psyches are or how completely drenched in judgment and stereotype I am – especially as a feminist.

I think that that job really helped me to teach this class – not only in terms of knowledge of sexuality, but in terms of fantasy and just kind of sexual literacy. And also in terms of coming from a place of compassion – even if they’re into things that society deems to be “problematic.” And you can’t be a good teacher if you’re judging your student, and that has been really helpful because if I had started teaching after coming out of graduate school, then I would have been a very different teacher.

Q: So how is human sexuality class different than a sex ed. class?

A: It’s everything that’s related to sex and sexuality. It’s physical, emotion and psychological. It’s social and sociological. It’s psychology. There’s a sex ed. element to the class because there has to be since students often didn’t get that in high school most likely, so the sex ed. element. Then there are the nuts and bolts like, “Here’s a vagina!” or “Here’s a penis!” It’s the kind of stuff that, in a perfect world, you’d have known since you were five, but in the real world, most people don’t know.

Q: What is the most challenging thing about your job?

A: I would say one is walking the tightrope of recognizing where our culture is in terms of sexuality and including that in my teaching process and figuring out how to figuring out how to teach in a way that resonates with such a diverse group of students who have all experienced sexuality and sex differently by the time they get to the class. I try to see the world through the eyes of so many different people who are on opposing sides of things – that’s really challenging. Being mindful of not judging and coming from a place of compassion can be challenging, too.

I guess I’m pretty much past judgment of people about sexuality – I mean, I still judge my boyfriend, for example. I’m not the Buddha. But I used to get pissed off at people who hold certain ideological positions. I don’t do that anymore. Because I believe that every one’s sexuality is sacred, and it’s easy to see, like, women’s sexuality as sacred, you know what I’m saying? It’s more of a challenge to see, like, a frat guy and know very clearly what he’s interested in and what his perceptions of gender, sexuality and consent are, and still see his sexuality as sacred.

If I’m practicing what I preach, then I see even the frat guy’s sexuality as sacred, in all of its “ugliness,” and that, to me, is what is really beautiful about my job because it gives me endless opportunities to grow as a person and to embrace things that I haven’t always embraced.

I think being able to love all my students is really challenging, too. My perspective is really sex positive and really different than our mainstream structures of paradigms of understanding of bodies and sexualities and things. It’s interesting trying to fit what I believe is true and valuable about these subjects and what I would like to communicate about all these subjects into a format that is understandable for students. But I like the process. I just have to be real.

The topic is so personal and intimate. If I really think about the impact that this kind of impact this kind of class can have on students – not because of me, but because of the subject. A lot of students have experienced a lot of trauma, and subjects in the class will trigger things for them, and then they’ll want to come to me about it. I’m not a trained counselor, but I do my best. A lot of times, this is the only space that they’ve experienced thus far in life where they can talk about the things that have happened to them – it makes me really nervous that I’m going to do something wrong, and that’s the part that I try to really handle with care and compassion and take very seriously.

Students constantly surprise me. It’s a really transformative process for me because they share the amazing parts of who they are – this job changes my life on a regular basis.

Q: What does it mean to be “sex positive?”

A: It’s the belief that sex is fundamentally good and that it’s a force that can be used for good in the world. It doesn’t mean that every sexual experience is good, but that’s not sex’s fault. It’s the idea that sex is inherently good and is sometimes abused. Sex positivity is the belief that sex is positive.

Q: What is the most surprising thing about teaching human sexuality?

A: It’s surprising how easy it is. It’s so enjoyable. Maybe to someone who doesn’t enjoy it naturally, it would be really hard. Mostly, anything that has to with the class, I really enjoy doing.

Also, I didn’t realize how involved in the community I was going to be able to get. I’ve been able to network and create a web of connecting students with people in the community. I guess it’s surprised me how much energy and passion students have. They’re so progressive, even if they’re not like me – they’re so passionate about what they believe in and they’re so insightful. It’s just cool to be around young people who are blooming. It’s really cool to watch and I feel really blessed to be a part of that. It’s not always easy, of course, but I love it.

Q: What’s the most rewarding aspect?

A: Having mutually beneficial relationships with students. Some people, I think, feel like teaching is a top-down thing, but that’s not me. I don’t do the banking system of knowledge. Students have a lot of influence on me – I don’t know if they know that, but they do. Every semester that I teach, something life changing happens to me thanks to the class. I feel like I continually grow and learn through teaching. I hear about so many personal journeys in regard to topics that really personal. I see students come out of the closet in all sorts of ways – like they might be gay or republican or kinky or slutty or a virgin. I see students evolve and have realizations about so many sorts of things.

And it’s not because of me; it’s because of them and what they choose to take away from the class or how they view the information. Being able to witness that is really rewarding and uplifting. It’s really reassuring – it only takes one or two experiences with students to be like, “Oh, things are OK. The world is OK. Everything will work out.”

Q: What has teaching this class on a college level made you think of pre-college sex education for students?

A: There are totally exceptions to this rule, but overwhelmingly, sex education is nonexistent in America. Often, even when it is existent, it is purely negative. Abstinence-only education is not education; it’s a lack of education. It’s all fear-based. I’m sure there are schools out there that are really amazing, but we have such a taboo in our culture about age and sexuality. I’m really in touch with that taboo because I’m really aware of it thanks to all the stuff I talk about. I have these panic moments where I’m like, “Oh, my god. Am I going to jail just for saying this?”

It’s ridiculous how our culture is collectively terrorized by the idea of sexuality and youth being combined, even though young people are the most sexual people and it’s their bodies. I’ve always found it to be offensive that children aren’t educated about their own bodies. It breaks my heart that we have taught our children that the most powerful parts of their bodies aside from their hearts and brains are less than beautiful and amazing. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to figure out how to enjoy that part of their body. I think children should be taught about their bodies immediately – they have knowledge of them anyway, so trying to combat that knowledge with negativity is just absurd.

One of the most rewarding parts of this job is being in a position where I might be the first contact that they having coming right out of that kind of environment and I feel really honored to be in that position. I take it really seriously. I see it almost as a decompression of sorts – I try to be as positive as I possibly can. I try to be as unconditionally loving as possible. I don’t know how to translate that into teaching exactly, but I do my best.

Q: What are some misconceptions you run into?

A: I don’t run into a lot of misconceptions, but probably that I teach just sex ed. where you just learn about STDs and contraception. Maybe another one would be that I’m a therapist or that I can solve their sex problems. Like I’m a medical doctor or something. It doesn’t bother me; it’s just a misconception that they have. I don’t think there are as much misconceptions as there are…well, people just don’t know what it’s about. They just have a lack of conception.

Q: Since you have a Women’s Studies background and teach the class from a feminist perspective, what does feminism mean to you? How do you define it?

A: It’s really changed for me over the years. When I think of feminism now, I think of something that’s radically challenging problematic systems – or subverting cultural norms that are exploitative and hierarchical and messed up. It used to be challenging systems of domination, but now, it’s the challenging of those systems and then the replacing of them with love and joy and freedom. For me, the solution to the problems that feminists battle is love and compassion. It took real world experience for me to be able to define feminism as something that isn’t just about seeing the negative, but about replacing that negativity with positivity. And that’s what I try to do now. Instead of just focusing on the problems, I look to actually focus on what the world wants or needs instead of what they don’t need. Teaching the class is how I move the world more in the positive direction that I envision, and I do that through being compassionate and loving toward my students.

Q: Does teaching the class ever make you uncomfortable?

A: Sometimes. Students very rarely cross my own personal boundaries. Sometimes students will talk about things that I have my own personal hang ups about. It challenges my openness, but I still don’t judge. Someone’s sexual orientation is who a person is and who they’ve always been. I just try to think about all the things that come naturally to me, and how I’d if they were considered illegal or taboo in our society. That’s what I try to do whenever I’m uncomfortable with something. Students are usually good about respecting boundaries, though. I’m very open to changing my perception and evolving.

There’s a constant evolution and I try to stay very neutral. At the same time, I try to be real and relatively transparent. If something takes me aback, it’s usually criticism of me as a teacher or being biased instead of something a student actually does or says. The thing about there teaching so many different types of students with different kinds of intelligence and experiences, you get so many different types of responses and questions. Every perspective and point of view is valid to me. All perspectives are equal to me.

Q: What do you feel are the most important things you can teach your students? What do you hope students take away from the class?

A: A respect for diversity, self love, to honor their own desire and to honor other people’s desires without judgment – even if they don’t understand it or “get it.” I think another big thing is that being selfish – or that fulfilling their own wants or caring about their own wants more than someone else’s – is a good thing. There’s so much self-sacrifice that goes on, especially in sexuality, but I think that if people respect and honor themselves more, they will be more prone to honoring someone else.

Teaching students about consent is another important aspect of the class for me. Students need to understand that all parties need to be enthusiastic about each and every sexual experience for it to be contentious experience. Consent should be “yes means yes” instead of “no means no.” “Yes means yes” is consent where a lack of a “no” is not consent. I want to communicate to students the power to say, “yes” to what their own desires are – no coercion or persuasion.

I just want to help students get over the shame and negativity that comes with sex and sexuality in our culture. I want students to realize that norms don’t really need to be norms – that they can be deconstructed and torn down. I want to promote acceptance and actually respect our differences and varieties. One way to explain the beauty of difference is that we are all parts of an ecosystem and we all serve a function and benefit the whole and form the whole. We are all part of biodiversity and because of that, our differences are beautiful.

Nature doesn’t waste anything and it doesn’t waste differences among people. We all are here for a purpose. If you realize that sex is so much more and so much deeper than what we see in porn. If I can just help anyone be responsible and compassionate and more loving – little things like that are what mean the most to me about this class. If I can communicate any of those things and just promote self-love and love of others, then I am doing my job.

This article was originally submitted to The Verge Magazine.

“the importance of sex ed” graphic. original image...

hollyaletha — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 01:10:00 -0400

“the importance of sex ed” graphic. original image found here.